tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-114926312024-03-07T23:39:26.221-08:00Down the WormholeArun Prasathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12734893201638954566noreply@blogger.comBlogger29125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11492631.post-43029047552325080862015-12-22T11:38:00.000-08:002015-12-22T11:38:15.895-08:00Unending<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
The illusion of climbing was indeed of the most terrible kind of pain there is. On careful thought, it is only too evident. Simply having fallen would have been simpler by any logical measure. The dark depths of the abyss that always seemed only so close, probably did really end somewhere. We had the strangest visions about that place. There was this idea that it could be the worst kind of hell. Perhaps it was a cold hard limitless span of a desert littered with the broken bones of all the fallen. Or maybe there was just seething fire, the kind that simply burnt every last bit of all the souls and spit out soulless ghosts that rose up as black smoke. Armies of lifeless souls forever pervaded and probably roamed disguised as the atmosphere of the valleys with no hope of redemption or even a little peace. Or maybe the bottom was only just boundless freezing water and there were countless bodies that neither drowned nor surfaced but only eternally suffocated there with bloated lungs for an endless duration of time. But how did one know? How could it be that the floor was a hell more cruel than life itself? Was it just not nothingness? Is it not that when we let ourselves fall, it all ended there? And wasn't there only nothing? And no pain? Not even time? Was there a sleep more peaceful? There were not even dreams. Is there conceivably any better remedy?<br />
<br />
But somehow, to the self, falling was unacceptable. The undying spirit, unknown to itself, is its own curse, a victim of an infinitely recursive design. It tried climbing, unwilling to know which was more unforgiving, the wretched walls of the unending cliff or the floor of the abyss itself. Lessons for life would tell us that there was hope above and one had to survive. There were always better places to go to, from where one was today. One has to keep climbing. But is that not contradictory by definition? These are 'lessons of life'. What do lessons of death have to say though? Could they be more illuminating? Anyone thinking out of the box would get there, for sure. That moment of enlightenment when the rational few break out of the circularity that engulfs the spirit in an ignorance that was hardly even blissful.<br />
<br />
Standing outside my own self, I witnessed the body (that was now practically indistinguishable from a corpse) make one more step. With bleeding nails, the fingers broke painfully into the treacherous rocks once more and with every last bit of energy left, the climb continued. Just as the body lifted itself up against the walls a little bit more, the mind mulled over the potential usefulness of all this. The marathon should have been long over now, but somehow there was no end in sight. Surely a hell lot goes in to all this and so is it even greedy to hope for a little something? How do we measure the worth of all this apparent ascent? Are we moving higher? Somewhere away from the darkness? Or is it that, no matter how much you climb, the gnawing claws of the darkness always stayed close like a shadow? It would play that little trick on you, only when you deceive yourself into believing in progress. When you just thought so, it would then prey upon your soul and feed on all happiness like a blindly unsympathetic demented unforgiving force of ruthless nature. And, what if the walls themselves were falling? Then, how were you even climbing in the first place? What if the whole process was just about inevitably reaching the lowest recesses of the abyss and the system had been simply programmed to continue crawling in the opposite direction? What if it was all one big sadistic joke at the expense of limitless agony?<br />
<br />
Another day, another climb. Go on, you wretched fool! Yes indeed. Don't let go! Make the climb! There is light and laughter at the end of the tunnel. Haha. Yes indeed, you bloody masochistic maniac. Don't fall. It hurts like horrible hell, but yea, never let go. Let it keep hurting! As the wise say, isn't that just the way of life?<br />
<br />
But would your peabrain just pause for a moment and ponder as to why on earth you'd choose the way of 'life'?<br />
<br />
Oh god, the fingers hurt. The muscles and bones have long worn out now. The limbs were all torn. The bruised body ached everywhere with dull pain. The blood on the skin had long since dried now in dark patches all over the place. There was no breath left. The wind had long since left the rib cage and the insides were hollow and seething like a vacuum imploding inwards, perhaps only like the abyss itself was.<br />
<br />
The soul always kept seeking the end of all pain constantly looking upwards towards an apparent mythical source of a healing light. The light and God were one and the same. All one heard about them were tales. Myths built to fool the spirit and seal it inside the blind walls of the circular trap of life. What was real was most obvious, the blood and the searing pain and the eternity of time but the body made another climb.<br />
<br />
The body suffered, and kept trying impossibly hard to protect the soul that was carefully enclosed within, but it was always unclear as to which was more torn in the process - the body or the soul? Which died faster? Every tiniest source of strength inside had long been exhausted and somehow the body moved one step higher. This can never be attributed to any logical phenomenon other than foolishness. The magnificence of this effort can indeed only be matched by the extent of its absurdity.<br />
<br />
So, heed this, oh weary one! The all pervading ether of the dead souls from the abyss looms all around you like a thick layer of fog, and if only you were willing to let your tired hands go, they'd take you in with an ever lasting embrace. In death, there was no loneliness. No pain or suffering. No wrong. No need for remorse and no meaning and purpose. No goals and no endless search. No ambiguity and no waiting. Could any life experience ever surpass the sweetness of that feeling? Could there be anything more profound than that permanence of un-being? Anything more pleasant than that magical liberation of the trapped soul?<br />
<br />
And was there anything more deserving than that unending rest of the weary spirit?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Arun Prasathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12734893201638954566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11492631.post-3179962851874803562014-10-26T03:14:00.002-07:002015-07-30T23:28:23.521-07:00Deep Down Dystopia<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<b><br class="Apple-interchange-newline" />D</b>epend <b>D</b>evote,<br />
<b>D</b>azzle <b>D</b>elight.<br />
<b>D</b>are<b> D</b>iscover,<br />
<b>D</b>andy <b>D</b>ivine.<br />
<b><br /></b><b>D</b>rive<b> D</b>ance,<br />
<div>
<b>D</b>ress<b> D</b>rape<b>.</b></div>
<div>
</div>
<b>D</b>ream <b>D</b>esire,<br />
<div>
<b>D</b>elve <b>D</b>eep.</div>
<br />
<b>D</b>eeper <b>D</b>eeper,<br />
<div>
</div>
<b>D</b>amage <b>D</b>epose.<br />
<b>D</b>eeper <b>D</b>eeper,<br />
<div>
</div>
<b>D</b>esert, <b>D</b>ivorce.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>D</b>ame<b> D</b>ude<b>,</b></div>
<div>
<b>D</b>oubt <b>D</b>eceit,</div>
<div>
<b>D</b>iverge<b> D</b>elude,</div>
<div>
<b>D</b>isgust <b>D</b>eride<b>.</b></div>
<div>
<div>
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
<div>
<b>D</b>iabolic,</div>
<b>D</b>rudgery,<br />
<div>
<b>D</b>raconian,</div>
</div>
<div>
<b>D</b>astardly.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
</div>
<div>
<b>D</b>oomed <b>D</b>isparaged</div>
<b>D</b>raught<b> </b><b>D</b>isease<br />
<b>D</b>runk <b>D</b>istraught.<br />
<b>D</b>eath <b>D</b>isgrace.<br />
<br />
<b>D</b>eafen <b>D</b>ecapitate,<br />
<b>D</b>evour <b>D</b>ent.<br />
<b>D</b>eter <b>D</b>egenerate,<br />
<b>D</b>efeat <b>D</b>ecimate.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<br />
<div>
<b>D</b>ip<b> D</b>rip<b>,</b></div>
<div>
<b>D</b>agger <b>D</b>art.</div>
<div>
<div>
</div>
</div>
<div>
<b>D</b>rain <b>D</b>rown,</div>
<div>
<b>D</b>anger <b>D</b>ark.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<b>D</b>issent <b>D</b>escend,<br />
<b>D</b>ismay<b> D</b>espair.<br />
<b>D</b>estiny <b>D</b>irection,<br />
<b>D</b>isarray <b>D</b>isdain.<br />
<br />
<b>D</b>rive <b>D</b>istant,<br />
<div>
<div>
<b>D</b>uly<b> D</b>enied.</div>
<b>D</b>uty <b>D</b>ignity,</div>
<div>
<b>D</b>eed <b>D</b>evoid.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>D</b>rivel <b>D</b>im,</div>
<div>
<div>
<b>D</b>rab <b>D</b>ull,<br />
<b>D</b>umb <b>D</b>umber,<br />
<b>D</b>ippy<b> D</b>reary.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>D</b>ope<b> D</b>oze,<br />
<b>D</b>rift<b> D</b>ebt, </div>
<div>
<b>D</b>ibs<b> D</b>irt<b>,</b></div>
<div>
<b>D</b>ot<b> D</b>ust<b>.</b></div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>D</b>eath <b>D</b>earest.</div>
<div>
<b>D</b>ownfall <b>D</b>arkest.</div>
<div>
<b>D</b>istress <b>D</b>irest.</div>
<div>
<b>D</b>amage, <b>D</b>eepest.</div>
<br /></div>
Arun Prasathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12734893201638954566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11492631.post-53945529087174671992014-10-25T02:34:00.000-07:002014-10-25T23:30:14.111-07:00Battered<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br />
<b>B</b>attered,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>B</b>eaten,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>B</b>usted,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>B</b>roken.</span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>B</b>lister.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>B</b>ruise.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>B</b>lood.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>B</b>urn.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br />
<b>H</b>arm,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>H</b>it,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>H</b>ide,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>H</b>urt.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br />
<b>T</b>ired,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>T</b>imid.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>T</b>rapped,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>T</b>orn.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br />
<b>R</b>avaged,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>R</b>ampaged,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>R</b>usted,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>R</b>otten.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br />
<b>R</b>uckus,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>R</b>ubbish.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>R</b>uin,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>R</b>ubble.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br />
<b>B</b>etray,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>B</b>ane,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>B</b>rutal,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>B</b>lown.</span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>C</b>heat,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>C</b>ry,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>C</b>ower,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>C</b>ringe.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br />
<b>C</b>ramp,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>C</b>ollapse,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>C</b>ripple,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>C</b>rumble.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br />
<b>C</b>ull,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>C</b>rushed,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>C</b>ut,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>C</b>racked.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br />
<b>S</b>cream,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>S</b>hout,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>S</b>tumble,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>S</b>hiver.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br />
<b>S</b>trangle,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>S</b>hackles.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>S</b>hatter.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>S</b>hambles.</span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>S</b>pineless,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>S</b>pit,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>S</b>hameless,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>S</b>hit.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>F</b>rightened,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>F</b>led.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>F</b>umed,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>F</b>ucked.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br />
<b>L</b>ove,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>L</b>oss,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>L</b>ife,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>L</b>ies.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>F</b>ickle,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>F</b>ilth,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>F</b>rail,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>F</b>ragile.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>A</b>nnulled,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>A</b>shes.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>A</b>ched,</span></div>
<div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>A</b>lone.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>D</b>isarm,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>D</b>ent,</span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>D</b>amage, </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>D</b>estroy.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>V</b>andal,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>V</b>acuum,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>V</b>anish,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>V</b>ain.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>G</b>arbage,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>G</b>rim,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>G</b>uilt,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>G</b>ain.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>P</b>ick,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>P</b>rick,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>P</b>ierce,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>P</b>ain.</span></div>
</div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>D</b>ust,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>D</b>eath.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>D</b>ebris, </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>D</b>rain. </span></div>
</div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>D</b>reck,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>D</b>rift,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>D</b>eceit,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>D</b>ull.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>N</b>aught,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>N</b>ever,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>N</b>othing,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>N</b>ull.</span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
</div>
Arun Prasathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12734893201638954566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11492631.post-22386538108149520862014-10-21T03:31:00.000-07:002014-10-25T23:31:12.219-07:001n8rlhAJpOZLZPR7mioafBf_5fGRS2Ml6Xf5x4zBCkYo<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-ca5f72aa-323f-d850-3f21-e9e18616da5d" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">oiasgoijg</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">asdggwtw asdrje siroald wiotja madlriwa dkghaeofks adrienadlg aserjdngiq; apf eiglk aeijr opsldf ique fmzldkg isjr pweoir idjf aerijg psoek drais urhals oaierugoikaw ioajd roiaks oaiejr </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3:48</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3:49:05</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3:49:09</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3:49:14</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3:49:18</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3:49:22</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3:49:26</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3:49:30</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3:49:34</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3:49:39</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3:49:44</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3:49:50</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3:49:55</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3:50:00</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3:50:07</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3:50:18</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3:50:23</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3:50:28</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3:50:34</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3:50:40</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3:50:45</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3:50:48</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3:50:55</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3:50:59</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3:51:05</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3:51:08</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3:51:12</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3:51:18</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3:51:21</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">asdotkan adkgmae oidkro poiwej gasdok jroae sekr utkdl oiwejgo kdjgokwe kelkai irjasl tjgid oiwerj ikeoklas oiagelk ijgaokd uoeqpq, sokgncz dsoiwenf kdutokgn ai jdsakjnd awoie oiaskg oiaw a sid eir i asgkae ig klasiw goiaeoijgoijae ks dgoias di asd. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3:55:50</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3:55:56</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3:56:10</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3:56:15</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3:56:20</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3:56:25</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3:57:25</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3:57:31</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small;">3:58:15</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small;">3:58:20</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small;">3:58:40</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small;">3:58:50</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small;">3:58:56</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small;">3:58:00</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small;">qoiuet jklfg sdf iroi aewoif lkasdg ijoerasl ijgije soijgeasd jokgaslkd ij aewo lkasdg oijer nm,asd ioasdlk akldg oijasd iag oiasd goiwen,amd oiae lk goijae asoidjog ,aiosjdlkg aidj ijaglk s ied oilka</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small;">3:59:45</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small;">3:59:50</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small;">4:00:02</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small;">askdjg aoijoeijlg oijwlekl gois,d gaoijelk dij iojasl ielkga siowlk dij gija sijeg asoik ag woei sif ijwe gikla gij ijg ow ka ifkl woiek goijklk as ijojwe gjk oij i ijo agoi ke alskdg oijew aglk sdlkg lka soiglke lkasdgklas</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small;">4:01:02</span></div>
</div>
Arun Prasathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12734893201638954566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11492631.post-67094136190114711532014-10-18T22:57:00.001-07:002014-10-25T23:33:30.010-07:00Dial 'M'<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">-- <b>M</b>ake <b>M</b>y <b>M</b>ode <b>M</b>eta --</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>oney,</span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>orsel,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>ilk,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>int.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>et,</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>ingled,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>elded,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>arried.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>arked.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>eddled.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>inused.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>aimed.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
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</div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>agic,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>auled.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>iracles,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>arred.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>ind,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>aterial.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>emories,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>ist.</span><br />
<div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>irror,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>aze,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>eaning,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>yth.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>odel,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>ake.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>ansion,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>an.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>ulled.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>used.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>ellowed.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>angled.</span></div>
</div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>oments,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>orbid,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>inutes,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>undane.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>adness,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>ean,</span></div>
</div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>ockery,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>alice.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>aturity,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>ired.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>ischief,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>anaged.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>ate.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>ystic.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>istletoe.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>ask.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>arket.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>argin.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>ath.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>M</b>e.</span></div>
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Arun Prasathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12734893201638954566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11492631.post-4214683067922328262014-10-18T02:16:00.002-07:002014-10-25T23:34:48.790-07:00A profile of pain<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><i><b>Beyond the tipping point, pain, is really just physical</b></i>. Emotional pain transforms into a different beast, and the pain physically beats the body around. The system with all its wholeness crumbling into pieces, twitches in agony as if beaten by a blunt object over and over again until every bit of it utterly cracks and dies. You'd think of the two as separate - emotions that tear the soul apart and rip the very spirit out of you, and bodily pain. You'd like to think about it all - sadness, hurt, anger, shock, guilt, loss, emptiness, betrayal and all that. In efforts to explain everything, you'd pull these elements out and try to feel them one by one, only to find that these would all cease to exist as individual entities. What follows would just be an indistinguishable confusing blob of a vague but a terribly intense emotion that, for lack of any way to express or articulate, can simply just be called as 'pain'. And when in this state that seems deceptively numb and unfeeling to oneself, the raging pain inside the body seeps through physically and takes control of the physique with monstrous strength. And then the entire body just gives away in one extreme act of submission to the sadistic force. And you'd just collapse and submit to the overpowering force, as if with knees on the floor, hands shackled behind the body, mouths stuffed and just silent tears flowing out of the bloodshot eyes with muffled suffocated painful breaths.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b><i>When pain sinks deeper, it hits the bare physique in all the bones and blood</i></b>. One can try and imagine the body physically set on fire. Conceivably, every cell burns, and every nerve sends pain impulses to the brain until even they are utterly destroyed. Every tiniest part of the body screams 'pain' as the one thing in unison. Nothing else but pain could be felt, when the body itself burns away.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b><i>The most important thing you felt was probably the lump</i></b>. It grows and grows in your chest. It really swells with a tremendous force and the ribs do not have any more space or strength to hold it in. The lump starts blowing up in size and then the chest starts aching like mad. It could be in the heart that the lump grows. Mushy as that may sound, it really can feel like that, in absolute physical terms. There is a chilling blood flow all through your body in moments when anxiety strikes and you can feel it gushing and filling all over the veins, and then the heart chillingly aches with the swelling. You'd think that it stopped beating for a second and your body was just blacking out into certain death. When fear strikes, the system goes for a complete toss.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b><i>Anxiety is a bad thing for sure</i></b>. I have seen it on television and been dismissive of it as a psychological phenomenon that I reckoned was faked and exaggerated by the subject in question. In reality, it looks to be the worst physical symptom of emotional pain when it evolves into some sort of an uncontrollable monster. It makes the body jolt repeatedly, indistinguishable physically from being fired with acute electric shocks. The sound of the door bell, the vibrating cell phone, or just someone suddenly talking, anything could just send a systemic shock through the body and jolt it. When it adds up more and more, the body starts shivering. You lie in bed shivering, and can feel your body sink in to the earth little by little and you'd imagine that, you'd soon completely submerge into the fabric of the mattress, the pillow treacherously looms over the sides of your head to swallow and suffocate you, and as you submerged, you'd feel yourself receding from everyone and everything, as the body shivers and shivers, your lungs go breathlessly in a fit of unnatural breathing and chokes. The lump and the lungs, they interplay, as they expand and suck it in, making it difficult to breathe, to cry, to scream and all that you feel is just more and more sinking and shivering. There are moments when you break into a pulse of screaming so much that, you suffocate yourself into not breathing for quite a few seconds and then it suddenly breaks, as a gush of air gets into your body bombarding the pipes monstrously. It is hard to say when the chest hurts the most, when you held your breath or when it gave way eventually. I think it is the moment when the lump just breaks. The pain is acute. One could imagine that, that is how it could feel if the heart gets arrested.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">There are times you'd want to escape, you run around and hide in corners and they are not enough. You push yourself more and more against the edges of the wall and you cannot go any further. Disappearing altogether is not easy. You lie down there, in a line along the edge of the walls, with your back away from the world, helplessly terrified still by the continued broad exposure to the world that you are unable to recede from. You hide yourself in closed rigid spaces to let yourself be not found and be shackled physically for a masochistic form of comfort. There is nothing that would hurt more than light. Light physically hurt. You'd stay there longing for light to be shut off and darkness to take over. Somehow, darkness meant, you were less exposed, and others were less exposed to you. When there was no cover around you for protection, darkness helped immensely. Light was very unsafe. Darkness was safe.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b><i>The nights pass by in utterly painful wakefulness characterized by shocks, chills, shivers and persistent thoughts of self-destruction</i></b>. Every object you look around, feels like a weapon to inflict upon yourself some different sort of pain that is purely physical in nature and can possibly take your mind away from the other ones you felt, as being described in here - the blades of the fan makes you visualize your bleeding hands and broken fingers amidst them. The fused light bulb on the table, and your hands crave to reach it and crush it against your heaving bleeding chest. Any signs of blood will be a minor victory. Any solid object can be handy to bang your skull or fist against, to feel it all the way into your bones, past all the flesh and blood. We need not even talk about knives and actual sharp objects. And those who actually tried would know that cutting against your own arm or chest is really lots more difficult than they show in those movies. You'd cause a lot of thin scratches before you can do any worthwhile damage. These things are not even helpful.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">There are numerous relatively tinier side effects. The head constantly hurts because of lack of sleep. Bottles and bottles of inhalers and vapor rubs are emptied and the head still hurts with a constant dull heavy weight of a fluid that moves around physically inside your head, hurting it everywhere as it moves.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">And then there are the relatively infrequent blackouts. You stand up or move around and the world goes still and dark for moments. You are not yet majorly hit if you don't actually fall. The physique is extraordinarily sturdy and robust. You'd think, such pain would utterly destroy it, but even your pressure may stay stable during the worst possible inflictions of acute pain. It is a darn shame.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">And, of course, the body goes feverish and weak for endless days. The blood boils with a constant dull heat that you feel all over the hands that feel frozen, as if kept in a freezer for endless hours. Frozen hands are a huge burden to carry around. You'd want to amputate them off to have a little comfort. If air moved around even very so slightly, it hurt the feverish skin. As you breathed out, the gushing hot air burnt the interiors of the nose with a dull acute pain. It would feel like the nose would bleed any minute. You suddenly realize that you cannot stand anymore as your feet cannot hold your body up any longer and you'd want to sit, only to find that you need to lie down and you can't sit anymore. Until the body assumes the comfortable position of a corpse, entirely letting itself to be borne by earth, every other source of strength innate to the body would cease to manifest.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Appetite shoots down so fast, food crawls into the body, every bit, oh so painfully and the jaws hurt to chew the pieces monotonously, and all of this would suddenly feel so pointless. Food would become the worst drudgery. And, oh, sleep! The minutes of the night ticking into painfully long hours can bring you chills to recall those moments any time later. These memories are best avoided consciously. With sleep cycles destroyed, possibly everything else in your body already starts taking a hit. The countless wakeful night hours would be followed by a mild sleep, characterized by jolts in the beginning until you disappear from this world of wakefulness and fear into something more comfortable, only to wake up a tad bit little later to find that time has not moved at all. Time is the worst kind of sadist. And then you'd try to sleep again. And as you'd wake up, your eyes would already be wet with tears, even before they got a chance to let a little light in. With what inspiration, the feet would opt to drag the body on to the advent of the oncoming day, you would never be able to explain.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">If you cried a lot, you'd start coughing. If you coughed a lot, the throat would hurt. If you let the lump grow too much, you may start screaming. If you screamed a lot, the stomach would hurt. You cannot stop screaming and the stomach would feel like a thin balloon that may just burst with more and more stretching. It is a tradeoff. You need to scream to let the lump in your chest burst. You need to stop screaming to help your stomach stay alive. Depending on how far you go, you'd balance out the pain between the chest and the stomach. A lot of such insane crying activity would throw the system upside down and you'd just throw up. Point to note - Food is not a healthy thing to consume in fair quantity, if it is going to be followed by an episode of cries, shivers and screams. Especially, spicy food can burn through the throat and the nostrils. Food, also being an extreme source of drudgery, is best avoided unless absolutely imperative to sustenance.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">In a rage, you'd have hit yourself here and there and you wouldn't even remember, until much later suddenly you would feel your feet hurt. And then you would realize you had probably stepped hard on something in frustration. The arms, head, feet, anything may suddenly hurt and you may find yourself wondering what had happened that caused the pain. Sometimes, you wouldn't know. When in rage and frustration, your adrenaline masks some pain for you to discover later.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Pain, is physical, in its worst forms. Perhaps, once the physique takes over, the mind is overpowered. Maybe that is why, it is an essential mechanism. You feed a man through his nostrils and he'd forget all the abuses he ever underwent in life in those overpowering moments of sheer physical pain and excruciating bodily discomfort. The gushing blood and its skyrocketing pressure can make you kneel before pain, in submission, fear and weakness.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Pain, pulses up and down, as a wave, from the dullest unceasing monotonous sense of a silent looming lonely helpless depression at its bottom most points, to its most intense expressive points at the top, where you find yourself screaming, cracking all the lumps and vigorously running around in a fit of rage like a mad animal.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Pain, overpowers and messes up with the mind, destroying all hopes of clarity and driving you to damaging, almost delusional, brain states, that make you question the very foundation of who and what you are, throwing away years of internal consistency and setting you up for permanent depression. And driven to its most fragile states, the body and the mind both, are just mad beasts that unwillingly went through torture, submitting to it at times, running away at times, but in the end, all that remains is just 'destruction' and 'death', of the soul that was in you. The someone inside you, died away. That 'person' was ruthlessly tore away out of your otherwise corpse of a body, in irregular hasty unshapely cracks to bleed bit by bit, and every happy feeling inside it was stripped off, as if pulling a physical body part from the body out rashly with sheer force. Drained of everything, what would be left inside was not just emptiness. The remnant would be a soul-less dead thing, you may call it a body, but there would be nothing left in it, of consequence. No life or a soul. But, that thing would not be empty. Once the soul was ripped off, the thing was just left with a bunch of physical entities of pain - chilling blood, lumps of seething pain, shocks and jolts, and when all bodily activity ceased, <b><i>the thing would be lifeless as a corpse, only worse, because it was not even dead for real</i></b>. And then, another day of life, would continue, with the dead thing walking around, everything else killed in it, only to be left with, sheer, physical, pain.</span><br />
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Arun Prasathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12734893201638954566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11492631.post-42956563661858411852013-04-05T00:28:00.002-07:002014-10-17T21:22:21.196-07:00A selfish emotion<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">On yet another regular morning, we walked out on the roadside with our adorable little German shepherd, taking him out for his everyday morning stroll. A lot of strays on the large open ground nearby barked at him and my mother just shooed them away with a small cane. She loved the thing a lot. More than a lot of other things. She protected it, from all the unknowns outside. The shepherd was now very much a part of her world of giving.</span><br />
<br npdkey="hf5178ak0.2nvzmuf597f" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">The strays had all been out in a deadly night's cold and rain without a shelter, some of them wounded, some hungry and probably a few that were just living their last day. It just so happened that they did not happen to be a part of someone's world of love and giving, someone like my mom's, by virtue of just unfortunate coincidence.</span><br />
<br npdkey="hf5178ak0.tk6d6bszl8" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">Blocks away, lived the small girl who loved her collection of teddy bears, all so neatly arranged in her little cupboard. On a day when one of the dolls got messed up in water, and its eyes got damaged and fell out, it tore her heart a tad bit and she wept a little.</span><br />
<br npdkey="hf5178ak0.eqvtyxhgauf" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">And then there were all of us regular folks. Those that loved our families, felt reassured with every word of love and care. We'd sway with joy and burn with pain with every motion that passed us through, in our very own circle of people. A lot would cherish every minute manifestation of intellectual progress of their regular unexceptional children, somehow wanting to be reassured that they are special and unique in their own ways, in a world of 6 billion confused folk, whose acts at the end of the day are nothing but tripe and blips in an infinite universe that yearn for existence with the excuse of an irrational sense of self-importance. Aided with the burden of an unexceptional speck of a mediocre existence, we'd all bust a hame about the people in our lives, because end of the day, that is all we had.</span><br />
<br npdkey="hf5178ak0.mov4rzk5dmp" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">Meanwhile, there were the stray folk outside too. Those whose lives damn well would get a tad lot better with a little care that we had to offer outside our own little sphere. In fact, some could actually manage to survive.</span><br />
<br npdkey="hf5178ak0.0o5fbr0a80jj" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">And, so is the nature of love. An elaborate design in a box inhabited by people in our own worlds, those that have come together by accidents. With all its grand illusions of true 'giving' and 'care', there is a lot of energy that recirculates within the box, our sphere of people who we spend our lives for. The inhabitants were dependent on and attached to one another, expecting no great standards of performance, moral values or excellence. The biggest purpose it served is to basically make everyone's craving for social companionship and care, satiated to various degrees. A sense of reciprocation or a need for possession, with just either of these at play, the design would sustain. A prescription handed down by nature itself down the line, a remarkably successful survival technique, that helps one shut the box and focus on whatever is inside. A grand illusion, mutual give-and-take, and completely no damn to everything else.</span><br />
<br npdkey="hf5178ak0.yqdq1v0h1zc" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">And thus we lived in shut doors, locking our possessions, building securities, eliminating liabilities, all towards the apparent betterment of the inhabitants of our own boxes, because we 'sought' love. We 'gave' love too, but only apparently so because the basis of the emotion is just not unbiased giving. It is a survival mechanism. A family inside your own little cupboard box of teddy bears, and you can damn well spend your 80 years of life, without really having to think out-of-the-box.</span><br />
<br npdkey="hf5178ak0.422ik3gz4a3" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">We'd be humane, but only selectively so. We'd love, but only selectively so. Who became part of our own little boxes were often defined by a sequence of accidents, our own prejudices and tilted views of the world that appealed to our own selves. But strangely so, it reaches the threshold when we prepare ourselves to shut ourselves from the inconvenient strays out there. And then, it is all about the box.</span><br />
<br npdkey="hf5178ak0.hqnhe3mc7bj" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">None of this is intended to be a calling for charity. One cannot deny that love itself exists, no matter whatever shallow forms it exists in. And folk expend a lot of energy in its name. This is all merely yet another idle reflection on what truly is, a selfish emotion, that we all crave to whatever degree. </span><br />
<br npdkey="hf5178ak0.yqk2n1fnb3f" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">For what it is worth, it does help a few survive, in their own little boxes. Only thing to perhaps know and understand, is to never </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">exaggerate that emotion to an illusion of unconditional giving, for there exists no such thing.</span></div>
Arun Prasathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12734893201638954566noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11492631.post-37705493223585912682013-03-04T02:16:00.002-08:002013-03-04T03:01:33.398-08:00My dad. My child.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">A picture of the tiger </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">burnt</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"> bright on to him from the nursery school book, one that we borrowed from a friend whose smart 2 year old had by now mastered it all. </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">We asked him what it was. As he tried to recollect, certain sparks that fired in his internal circuitry traversed a billion nerve endings only to abruptly encounter a ball of dead cells and right there, they vanished into the void in a puff. He wore a lost look on his face for a couple of seconds. But then he quickly </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">tried</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"> to hide that, out of some sense of shame. The admittance of the inability was more traumatizing than the handicap itself. Then, he mumbled from one end of </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">his</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"> mouth, slowly and without much confidence - '</span><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">Lion. Of course, I know it is a lion</i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">'. His tongue twisted and jumped a bit as it struggled to </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">spel</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">l</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"> it all out. And, he spoke in a voice much softer than he</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">had</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">ever did before the incident. His voice had fallen and receded into his depths. Perhaps out of some sort of fear. Or a sense of helpless submission to a complication that boggled him down. Only minutes ago, we had walked </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">through</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"> the whole picture book once and identified this picture to hi</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">m as a tiger. Only days ago, this was so effortless and basic a task that this would not even demand any sort of mention. The brain had always</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">miraculously constructed the concepts in a whiff. The man, my father, used to</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">know to drive a car, repair electrical components, reassemble machinery, compose emails and transact online, document family finances in</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">splendidly detailed spreadsheets with convoluted formulae</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">,</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"> sing an </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">o</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">ccasional</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"> song, tease neighbors playfully, organize weddings for friends and loved ones, bring groceries home and go to work in day or ni</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">ght shifts as an electrical engineer.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">'</span><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">The cycle of life</i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">', a friend had said. It all keeps coming back to me and keeps filling my thoughts almost all the time. Never did I think, the return to childhood could be as markedly and uncannily accurate in all its granular details.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">The night that reduced my dad to a child had earlier looked as unsuspecting as any other. It is unclear when exactly the stroke hit him. He had struggled through a good</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"> part of the night on his bed, and in his confusion had only thought he dreamt that he couldn't move his arms. It was only in the morning that</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">my mother had noticed. He had gotten up on his feet trying hard to overcome whatever was vehemently trying to put him down. He stood leaning against a wall with a coffee cup on his hand, and was spilling it all on the floor. His face and shoulders had drooped on one side and words came out of his mouth indistinctly. She instantly knew what it is. Then </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">fol</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">lowed</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"> a hopelessly long chain of events until we got him admitted into a good medical facility located far from the remote town we lived in. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">Mother</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"> and our helpful neighbors took him out in the only ambulance available at that hour, as his pulse rate was dropping alarmingly lo</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">w to the 30s. The ambulance was a mess. The driver was a kid and there was no professional there to administer any bit of reasonable aid. Couple hours later, he reached an intermediate facility with absolutely no glucose having dripped into his body, looking withered, sober and arms all stiffened. A bunch of waiting until scans could reveal the left ganglio-capsular infarct he had. We had to take him to Chennai again to get him treated. Yet another ambulance, some paperwork and another 3 hours of travel and another hospital hop due to lack of beds and finally he was admitted, at 12 midnight, pretty damn late. A week of treatment followed. More scans and tests, a hell lot of needles, blood, tablets, food pipes and few nights in the ICU. An MRI of the brain revealed an infarct the size of a large gooseberry. After the first night in the ICU, he woke up all confused and lost. For a brief while, he thought we were in September until his confusion became apparent to us from his mumbled speech. The days that followed had so many ups-and-downs. We realized, he was past the absolute danger zone. He lived. His pulse was still low in the bradycardia region, but he looked steady. What more, he was mobile. He had good action in his arms and fingers, despite the right side weakness. And he recognized us all and seemed to make sense of what we could say. This was all really good considering how bad strokes typically get. We felt glad and more relaxed. Then, when we finally got to talk to him better as he moved into a ward, we realized his difficulty in recollecting and speaking. He cried often and once he'd forget to recollect his own daughter's name. He jumbled up words and names all the time. He spent hours and days wondering why he was not able to recollect names </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">of</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"> p</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">eople and things. With a lot of difficulty he'd construct a sentence and then find himself unable to go further. We had folks visiting all the </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">time</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">, some crying, some that would idly sit around and recollect incidents of deaths and illnesses in people they knew and some who would suggest </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">obscure</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">medication from unknown places with no idea of what his medical</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">cond</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">ition even really was. After a while, the phone calls and </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">vis</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">i</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">tors</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"> became very traumatizing to the family and at times we just put the </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">device</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"> aside. Weeks later now, we have relocated him to the city away from his community and job, and are getting him treated here. A few months of therapies, diabetic diet and exercising to follow. </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">The memory is fresh in me, all from the last few days, and still seems so surreal. I remember the hospital room where I fed him with my hands as he was silently watching a tv show of his favorite people whose names he could not recollect anymore. I remember showing him how to write straight lines and alphabets in a ruled notebook. I remember getting worried as he watched an advertisement showing sweets or a funny scene on television where someone smoked or had alcohol. The term 'parental control' popped onto my mind, only it seem to have the diametrically opposite meaning. I saw him burst into tears emotionally often, unlike the daring old man he once was. As I once stepped out for a half hour's errand, he had looked for me at home longingly. With the help of a cousin, he called me up on a phone and in his low worried voice, he called out my name asking me if everything was okay at my end and asked me yearningly when I'd return home. He had been thinking of me restlessly all that time. My heart broke instantly. I remember my dad speak to me. With the voice of a child. And with the innocence of one.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">And so continue the ups-and-downs of this phase. Today, we are glad as we see him recollect an ATM pin and sad when he mixes up a cover and a charger. Glad as he could write the spelling of a word or improve his signature, and worried when he tells us he feels giddy. </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">Dad, if you would some day be completely cured and I sure hope you do and if you would read all this then, hope you'd know and feel reassured that we will be around to take care of you.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">And I don't think you'd know this, but... </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto;" />
<i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">Dad, you are my child now</i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, Palladio, 'URW Palladio L', 'Book Antiqua', Baskerville, 'Bookman Old Style', 'Bitstream Charter', 'Nimbus Roman No9 L', Garamond, 'Apple Garamond', 'ITC Garamond Narrow', 'New Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook', 'Century Schoolbook L', Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">.</span></div>
Arun Prasathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12734893201638954566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11492631.post-25543526857130682892013-01-03T23:04:00.005-08:002013-01-08T18:38:20.153-08:00Fragile<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<i><u>Disclaimer</u>: This piece is really a rant, and unlike my other attempts, I have not tried to close the start and the end into a single theme, as a logical whole. It is just a flow of thought, unhindered, undirected and whimsically indulgent in its chaos.</i><br />
<br />
I've read once somewhere as to how there is no definite moment of death. It is not that the previous moment, you were alive and then the very infinitesimal next instant, you were gone. Death is really a continuous process where the domino of cards that we are, kinda degrade and our interdependent systems topple little by little into an increasingly irreversible state, as different portions of you fail and cease to function at varying times.<br />
<br />
Perhaps there was no such thing as life itself. There were really just points in the continuum of existence, where as you moved further down, the plots in the graph got darker. You could all be plotted as a point somewhere on that line. Sometimes when you are alive too, you feel weak, as if you are displaced a tad bit downwards the continuum, fortunately or unfortunately as the case may be, not quite irreversibly.<br />
<br />
Indulging further in the pointlessness of arriving at conclusions without consequence, I have also occasionally wondered why we identified the 'heart' as the organ that feels pain and love. I guess, it is a very physical feeling - to feel the blood rush with excitement one time, and when in pain and you gasp, the lungs would long desperately to take in more of the wind, and maybe you mistake that feeling in your chest to be a pain in your heart. When you were the most fragile, you thought the heart could stop. Well, it all doesn't matter what we think! About, the physical and biological manifestations of pain and love. They just exist.<br />
<br />
Let's digress a bit! Or perhaps I was only digressing until now. It does not matter. In a rant with no central coherent topic, everything was a digression. And, nothing was.<br />
<br />
I wanted to indulge further obsessively as I'd take liberty to compare myself to a most magnificent object - the mirror. Having no face of my own, and with no objectivity to measure myself against, other than with relation to the people I face, I'd just be that - a dim lit mirror with no light, no face and character, when all by myself. But when the objects stayed afore, I reflected. They'd talk and I too would. I reflected their smiles, and their pains, and often it was as if, I had nothing of my own, and one look at the mirror would make you believe, their smiles and pains belonged to me too. And rightly so, for those moments, I lived those also. In their absence, I was a mercury coated sheet with no expression of my own, existing outside the continuum of life, and time, like God, or rather, just like an immortal piece of stone. If you'd try to plot me in the graph above, against the existence continuum, you cannot. I'd be imaginary, non-existent, and not renderable on the life-plot. There was no 'walk of life' for the mirror. It was not a point. It was just that. Pointless. Never came a day when, I'd be the first to smile, the first to express anger or sadness, or wake up in tears or any inexplicable sense of joy. I'd wake up in the morning as a clean slate, but for any scratches and scars left behind by the imperfections of time. An empty and dull piece of metal. Then, it would begin. The restless exercise of reflection, until all the lights go off in the night. What others were, made sense. Whatever they were, whatever they did. And, I could miraculously blend in. Their hollow conversations, obsessive likes and dislikes, instincts, emotions, fear, jealousy, racist hatred, anything be the case, I could connect, empathize, and I'd reflect and participate. This was not just a mirror, but had to be a miracle rather!<br />
<br />
Is it a coincidence that mirrors were fragile? It perhaps requires some sort of intricate design, like the domino of cards, to be able to reflect and not absorb the beauty, the smiles, tears, the errors and imperfections onto oneself. Or, does it truly reflect everything with no trace of what happened left behind in memories? Did a mirror have a memory of its own? Did it not absorb a bit of the joy and the pain too? And, in the process, acquire a face? Maybe, it wanted to everyday, but it never would. Life revolved around reflections of others in the forefront. Folks would come and bounce themselves off the thing, to hear themselves out, or merely to find a bit of reciprocation in a world that is so direly short of that.<br />
<br />
But, occasionally, they'd clean the rust off my surfaces and polish me, to make me look bright and clean in whatever little ways, so that I can continue my job with more perfection for much longer. And for what it is worth, I am grateful for that little thing they did to me.<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Arun Prasathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12734893201638954566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11492631.post-62390370799799219802012-12-16T21:29:00.001-08:002012-12-16T21:36:34.602-08:00Pebbles<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
The pebbles are us.<br />
<br />
We were born on earth, as grains. We were not to know where our self started and where it ended. We were seamlessly one with all the sand, with all the world, and we lived in the infinite graceful oneness of the universe with no boundaries, no ego, no knowledge of the self, no hurt and no joy, as pristine babies.<br />
<br />
And then, it kicked in. Sheer inevitable time. Time washed us brutally, showed our boundaries, bound our parts together and hardened us into 'being', made us into beautiful little stones, our own selves, in infinitely different shades and shapes. And then, we were different.<br />
<br />
We came in precisely polished shapes, beautiful and smooth. In purple. In sky blue. In a white that was whiter than pure light. In pitch black. The colors and shapes were all pleasing to the senses to the passers by. One could look at the miracle of a creation that was a pebble, and wonder at its magnificence and innate beauty, and the joy that all this design supposedly holds.<br />
<br />
But often, also, one failed to look close enough. Beneath all the smoothness, if only one were to look closely, were rugged edges, cuts and rough imprecisions everywhere. The powerful waves that washed and shaped them, had also in equal measures tore and hurt them, and left deep scars in their inner ridges. The rugged edges were all only carefully masked by all the polish outside, and without a thoughtful trained eye, one would be fooled. The stones were a lot broken on the inside, but one could just see the polish and be carried away with all the fickle beauty that only belied the scars within. Perhaps one day, the waters would break the stone and scatter its pieces everywhere, to be forever lost.<br />
<br />
Each stone was all by itself, on its own, battling the clubs of all the water and ruthless time, every day.<br />
<br />
But, the pebbles weren't alone either. They were together, although separate in their own individually colored selves. When they rubbed one another, there were sparks and fire. They crackled in laughter and made noise. They wept together, when water touched them, and they changed colors, and sometimes the darkness within surfaced, and the pebbles would become black in wet tears.<br />
<br />
And when two lonesome souls walked by the waters and looked for pebbles some day, what mattered most was not what colors they picked, but rather the act of choosing them, and to look beyond them all. Together.<br />
<br />
And, they knew, they were pebbles themselves too. And, it was all about, ruthless time.<br />
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Arun Prasathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12734893201638954566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11492631.post-68807288159957489782012-07-09T05:26:00.000-07:002012-07-09T06:15:24.217-07:00The adventures of Cumulonimbus - An incomplete story<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<i>(Started on an attempt at a tiny piece - inspired by '<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVz_Wg5ocT8">the hilarious video on cloud computing</a>'. Never managed to get back to complete this one, but just publishing this one in its incomplete status. There is scope for extension)</i></div>
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Thunder struck. A blinding streak of light split the skies apart, and in the fierce momentary flash, one could have barely just witnessed the darkness of the infinite space above. Yes, there was only pitch dark, but those with the trained eye could have also managed to get a glimpse of something else. Something evil enough to make you physically tremble in your nightmares - A dark figure sneaking behind a very black cloud.</div>
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Super-Villain Cumulonimbus had navigated his 'mouse' strategically into Captain Steve's jar and stolen his 'cookies' only minutes ago. He then leaped past the stratosphere on his newly engineered spy-jet and stealthily worked his way towards the information hyperspace above. The network was fibrous and its connections sticky and congested, but the newly built jet very well knew how to navigate past all that mess. He soon sneaked past all the many GIST radar systems (Google's Information Security Technology radars that had been painstakingly installed by information behemoth, Google, along the surface of Planet Earth) and finally arrived at the backdoor of the black cloud, numbered 314. Cumulonimbus then impatiently pushed a request under the door, by throwing in a few bits, and as he did, he took care to stick a cookie on the head. He then waited outside with bated breath. </div>
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Google cloud security expert Dr. Hurricane, woke up dizzily from sleep as his buzzer went off. He knew it was a rainy night, and was half expecting his buzzer to go bonkers, in case some clouds had collapsed before sufficient backup completion, but then the red light was beeping incessantly. This was threat level 0. Hurricane gasped.</div>
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</div>Arun Prasathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12734893201638954566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11492631.post-77343302212725932362012-07-09T04:27:00.004-07:002012-07-09T06:02:48.314-07:00The curse of abstraction<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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And happy little men relished the juices out of the marrow of the now dead beast, whose carcass had twitched in the immense pain of a reckless death only minutes ago, owing to stale electrical impulses left behind in its body, having been severed from its head, when its tender neck was slit casually behind the alleyway, in an unknown butcher's shop. The beast's head was still mildly bleating in dull agony, and its teary eyes twitched for one last time until the last spark from the brain ended whatever misery that thing was being subject to. Most of us beast-eaters, most definitely incapable of carrying out firsthand such a first class act of cold murder ourselves, as that of slitting the throat of a conscious thinking animal capable of emotion, despite sometimes finding ourselves to be genuinely moved with the cuteness of pet puppies when they wagged their tender tails and ran around us with love, not to mention, even inanimate toy teddy bear dolls, are definitely comfortable in the thought of not knowing or just willfully setting aside what happened behind the scenes, and as we indulged in the flesh and bones, deep fried in splendid fat, we indulged in all the sinful pleasure like the great demons of myth and never hesitated to boastfully expound our happy hedonistic ways of a carefree life, that to us, somehow resonated proportionally to our ability to carelessly chew flesh. Many a time have I been asked as to why I quit meat, and some such hedonist buddies of mine even tend to take pleasure in identifying all the many contradictions in this seemingly illogical time-old decision of mine apparently riddled with inconsistencies (such as 'you'd kills mosquitoes', 'medicines kill germs', 'plants have life too', 'experiments prove even plants feel a little pain', 'you have eggs too, and now that's a killing', etc...).</div>
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But, this piece is not about vegetarianism, although my choice serves as an excellent example of the topic I herewith intend to write on. It also isn't similar to few other pieces that I've below written, in that, I have put aside all pretensions of being burdened with an apathetic nihilist's understanding of the 'cosmic' perspective. For the moment, we shall all assume the humbler roles we've all been fatefully assigned to - as simple thinking beasts, that are subject to plain instinctive elements of love, pain, pleasure and often sympathy towards other thinking life forms that we know are capable of emotion and pain (such as ourselves), for reasons that we will not seek to rationalize here and would merely acknowledge as genuine parts of ourselves. I only wish here, to elucidate the convenience and the curse of systems of abstraction we've gracefully adopted over time, and how we casually do deeds everyday that we'd dare not, if only we 'knew' more and had the faculty to eliminate the layers that separate us only a tad bit from being exposed to, what we'd normally come to regard as sheer atrocity that unfortunately effected from our very own acts.</div>
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The prime generalization of the aforementioned meat-eater prologue is essentially our innate tendency to perform acts of innocent crime, pretty much all the time, owing to the comfort (if granted) of being blanketed cozily inside systems of convenience that essentially mask us from brutalities behind our backs, things that our conscious selves will likely not prefer to be part of. Given the limitations of the supply of basic needs, the endlessness of demand, and the immense complexity of the massive people network of give-and-take (or sometimes stab-and-grab) we exist in, one might safely generalize that, for every infinitesimal change that is the output of the most unassuming acts of ours, there is at least a beneficiary and also a loser, mostly in disguise or as an indirect consequence, and often also simply, owing to our blissful lack of awareness (of the details of the underlying system). At the very core of the architecture of this incomprehensibly complex system, one that is highly essential to sustain its lack of overall humanity (despite individuals themselves being human), is the central element of abstraction. The collective intelligence of the human whole has been pretty good at architecting this, although the individuals participating in these systems themselves mostly do not empathize with (and often even resent and curse) the deeds and causes of the collective whole. And, thus wars are fought and countries were reshaped on large scales, and at another corner, as a much smaller scale example, women yelled at one another as they waited in a tedious line behind water taps for their day's government granted limited water supply.</div>
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It never ceases to boggle one's mind if one were to dare step out of the bounding boxes and just try imagine all the possible connections both from the past and into the foreseeable future, to things that one does, only casually.<br />
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<i>'Blood Diamond' and 'Syriana' unfold everyday everywhere around us, only in a much more full-blown grandiose dramatic style with infinite interplaying elements and the most incomprehensible densest plot, with people influencing one another's lives in myriad and often terribly destructive ways. What bad blood could have possibly been shed, with political dethrones and mass civilian casualties in a desert thousands of miles away, to enable the liter of fuel one had just filled in his brand new car, so that one could drive to a entertainment show that costed 300 bucks in 'black', a show that stylized violence and promoted the greed for extravagance and glamor in the commonest of men and women, and whose production company had exploited young women and poor stuntmen and earned a millions of bucks for a local politician who'd fight his game of power and in his many scams squish the poor, while at another corner, the uneducated little boy who lost his parents to a reckless drunk lorry driver, worked in a community of beggars for a mafia gang left untroubled by policemen working for the politician's goons, and the boy starved on a street at Delhi, longing for the next customer whose shoes he could polish next and with the little money he got, he went on to layer his lungs with carbon from the smoke he'd then buy from a local pan shop guy who obtained his supply of cigars from a european firm through an infinitely complex supply chain powered by few first-class engineers and businessmen of the world.</i> <i>Now, that statement does no justice to how deep the rabbit hole goes, but it is an effort from a simple human mind with a limited faculty that is only capable of absorbing and synthesizing selective and simplified models of tangible and accessible parts of reality. Reality itself, however, is always ever more infinitely richer and deeper than the best we could ever fantasize. The human architecture is layered like a huge bunch of a billion wires irreversibly entangled in a holy mess, and masked with several sub-units abstracted behind blankets, and the nexus always goes deeper than any could possibly comprehend. The connections are myriad and astounding.</i><br />
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Now, there is no simple way out of this. A system this interconnected seemingly behaves pretty much random. In efforts to avoid effecting possible illness, one cannot just cease to act, but surely often, as we act, we dump more and more bits of entropy into a huge pile of garbage, through most simple acts of ours, adding up infinitesimally to a whole stinking indigestible mess. But, one can still strive to do two things here towards not facilitating few consequences that one might prefer to not be part of, in whatever little way one could. Firstly, and perhaps importantly, to try and be aware of as much as one can, of possible ill consequences and connections behind simple everyday actions of ours and also the root causes or channels through which we reap our very rewards - from deeds so seemingly infinitesimal as dumping a plastic cover, averting a petty tax amount or under-registering property to add to the woes of an existing black market, or getting behind the steering wheel after a friendly social drink, or running a tap open at high speed, buying toys in an underground market that were possibly burgled for cheap, smoking at places where passive cancer-prone smokers can be exposed to, ill-treating or haggling with a poor roadside vendor, developing an addiction towards a triple-cheese burger, or in little more extreme cases even aspects like visiting (or even in theory, taking for granted and showing apathy towards) communities that sexually exploit women and even children, or say, passing broadly generalized hate racist messages in public forums. The examples are endless and the consequences of many of these actions can go deeper than one might foresee and could range anywhere from mild to catastrophic. One might never exhaust the understanding of the connections in the maze, but the fearful enlightenment one gets by going down the rabbit hole is scandalously rich. Secondly, one might want to try and change a few of these actions that, based on the knowledge thus acquired above, one knows for sure, is more or less directly correlated to something that one does not in all honesty to oneself, approve of. In many cases, this possibly cannot be a complete stop of the action, but will usually manifest as a restraint of some form (as a direct opposite of what earlier could have been some sort of indulgence into something not healthy for the overall whole, and to our own conscious selves). Doing so, will, of course, not change the principle itself nor would revolutionarily fix things in the system. It might just be about maximizing whatever infinitesimal change one could effect. And, sometimes, small deeds do infinitely percolate and add to someone's smile or survival in some corner of the world, possibly invisible to ourselves. And, more personally, it is also about getting into honest terms with your own self.</div>
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Towards this cause, one must strive to break the layers of abstraction as much as one can, the veil that obstructs clarity and vision, and facilitates the effect of damage, and one must try peer honestly at things near oneself - other people, the environment, one's rewards, liabilities and casualties, corruption, exploitation of the poor, even other thinking life forms, and of course, one's own self, pretty much everything, and effect a few restraints in certain practices of ours, for, unknowing to oneself, one might in actuality, be destroying more and more things that one genuinely cares for. <i>Simply put, change a bit of what you yourself might not come in to terms with, in the knowledge that you acquire, while being watchful of the nexus.</i> Next time, you ate a lamb, be sure you are personally capable of killing one on your own. Or had you bought a non conflict-free diamond for yourself, realize you possibly contributed a tad bit to child militancy in Africa. If we seek to brush such and such acts aside, we are, by our own subjective definition, pretty blunt cruel in all that unreasonable and thoughtless apathy of ours.</div>
</div>Arun Prasathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12734893201638954566noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11492631.post-73302819986698614002011-12-15T17:07:00.000-08:002011-12-15T17:08:28.491-08:00A Path to Sleep<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); display: inline !important; float: none; ">In the quest to regain sleep, there is only one path.</span><br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 18px; orphans: 2; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); display: inline !important; float: none; ">A million synapses fire and burn, as the clocks nearly cease to tick by in a tedium of ever-stretching infinite time. The door was mildly ajar, but there was no light to diffract inwards. The infinite black of a darkness was outside, a mild lamp in the room working in its own menial way to reduce the agony of a night, a not-too-comfortable bundle of muscles, bones and blood and life and a mysterious sense of self-consciousness lying down on a thick bed, and ten slender magical creations protruding from the bundle were hitting off symbols on a man-made computing machine endowed with reasonable (or as a proud human would declare, astonishingly sophisticated) faculty. It was as if one felt every unit of Planck time pass by, with an accompanied pulse of acute pain (in a manner of speaking, as the phenomenon described herewith, might be physically impossible). </span><br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 18px; orphans: 2; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); display: inline !important; float: none; ">When the dreadful black hole sucked matter in, that was precisely how it felt. Time stretched greatly, and the varying powerful gravity tore the spaghettified object apart from head to limbs.</span><br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 18px; orphans: 2; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); display: inline !important; float: none; ">'Why all this angst?', says the wise man, he whose willful non-compliance with the random architecture of the human nexus has by now made him pretty much entirely, a social outcast. 'Fairness and justice, are arbitrary conceptions of a fallacious mind that seeks illusory gratification in a system of infinitely incompatible ends. Success is arbitrary too, and money, just a fluid that unceasingly flows up and down through in myriad ways. Who deserves what? There are killings and blood and scandals and mindless warfare, and all the universe would at one point to be reduced to a dot. The restless see differences that are only in the mind, for all the living, only progress from death to death. Why expend great energy on what merely was an arbitrary act of whim'.</span><br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 18px; orphans: 2; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); display: inline !important; float: none; ">In the quest to regain sleep, there is only one path. Detach oneself from all that is a mere inexplicable consequence of the immediate vicinity in time and space you happened to exist in, and just imagine a great singularity that spit us all out. It is this way that one might just find - rest.</span>Arun Prasathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12734893201638954566noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11492631.post-1713443663191893722011-07-14T03:06:00.000-07:002011-07-14T03:07:07.689-07:00'A-run' on the mill poem:<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; ">A-hoy, <b>A-run</b>, A-hoy,<br />A loud mouth and a big boy,<br />Bitter-batter, Chitter-chatter,<br />(He's) A tedious communicatron,<br />Made of articulate matter,<br />But very likely a verboson.<br /><br />Positively charged, but<br />(He's) Often barred<br />On touchy matters of sensation,<br />For fear of negative polarization.<br /><br />(He) Dilates time in other frames,<br />(As they) Deconstruct his convoluted statements,<br />(And they'd) Lose their brains and their soul,<br />As if they were sucked into a black hole.<br /><br />Talks about dark matter,<br />That no one likes to see,<br />Chitter-chatter, bitter-batter,<br />But that's what he'd (I'd) be.</span>Arun Prasathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12734893201638954566noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11492631.post-14456728861786843812009-06-15T10:24:00.000-07:002009-06-15T22:21:49.097-07:00Of StrengthWhen in younger days, we wandered on streets as blissful children, we knew not what it was to care. Never were we burdened by the weight of all the many things of the cursed world and never did the sheer enormity of existence smite us hard, as it did oft in later days. A child's apathy of the world, was its ignorance, but so it was also its gift. As children, we thought not, that as we grew in a human world, care and contribution, is not merely expected but demanded of us, for we soon learn that the primary constraint to survive in the human web is that, 'to take' is also to 'give back'. In no time, did we lose ourselves in the vast web of things. And so as we grew, we learnt the ways of the world as it were designed, and accepted them, often without question and so we did the very deeds that all men have done, for a span of time immeasurable. And, we cared, for many things, not necessarily in a very altruistic way, but we nevertheless bore the weight of innumerable human and earthly elements that for reasons beyond the control of any, became inseparable and integral parts of our damned lives. We lived our lives only to be entirely spent at the end, caring about these things whose significance outside the reeking human mesh is undebatably void.<br /><br />In rooms where dead men lay, the living stood in silence reflecting on the triviality of a living and the enormity of the end. Lessons we learnt as we grew, but what we took from them, we failed to comprehend. For, the human mind quickly renders itself stale with learning. Within only a few years of growing out of the children that we once were, we formed our ways of life, and seldom thereafter did we listen much, and our so very adorable attitude of openness to learning and an innocent curiosity, ever eager to absorb and contain a tad bit more of all the immeasurable beauty of the universe that is, soon ceased altogether. And so as we aged, we found ourselves being in conversations, where oft we let our opinions and our so very wise views of the world out, but seldom did we take anything back with us, that was spilled by other learned men therein. And so we shut ourselves from the words of the wise and kept caring for all those things in our own wayward ways, things that for reasons of ill luck, had interfered fatefully with our lives.<br /><br />I was apathic once more as an adolescent young man, with all the uncontainable wrath that I had back then and the numbing weight of being existential and all that, and though terrible it then was, now I realize that, a gift I had re-gained by chance, I have now, alas, let go, irrecoverably. Back then, in my apathy, I was strong, and I had then felt that no mighty blow could knock me down, because I cared of things less, and loved not much. I was not to hold on to my nirvana and empty state of nothingness for too long. As my friend once so nicely, funnily and simply put it to me, being existential does not prevent one from relishing a cup of dark chocolate. To escape the void then, I had learnt to fake my role in the mesh and to indulge in the everyday trivialities, and I did that day in and day out, and soon it became second nature to me also. To be fair, it is true also that, I even learnt to enjoy them quite a bit despite the internal conflicts, and soon the feeling of the void receded to the innermost and nearly inaccessible depths of the brain. And then I cared too. Of blood and kin, of land and shelter, and gold and earth, I cared also, but to what good it was to me, I now do not know.<br /><br />Care, in an inconsistent and hopelessly complex web of things, is a desperate attempt to balance things from falling out of place, without realizing that in reality, they never can be, by design. A bent for rationalization is to be shunned entirely, if one were to come in terms with what is so, in practice.<br /><br />To care, is a way of life for sure, but one must beware of getting stuck in an irresolvable maze of things that seem to hopelessly fall apart. With infinite care, comes infinite pain also, for the drive for perfection conflicts with the inevitable need for harsh compromises of an unforgiving reality. When strong men rode their steeds through battles and smote the enemy down, they were driven by an inner flame, an unquenchable and blind faith in things that they fought for, and an apathy for the life that they pitilessly rendered naught. If one were cursed with care for all, and respect for the things fellow men lived for, there also results a potential for passivity, as often times, simply to act could mean to hurt also. And, when one bore all the weight of the collapsing mess on his delicate and frail mind, he was strong no more, and then he would sway with a tender breeze and burn when there was a spark of flame, for he cared for all things that were. And, in his pain, he would fight and be spent ere the end of days.<br /><br />And so, to what good, it is to care much, I now do not know. It seems certain though, that - to be strong, apathy is necessary also, and an outright, and if need be, blind, belief in one's views of the world, something one could live by in times of trouble and feel justified to oneself, with utter disregard to what the others in conflict cared for, even were it to be right in their own individual regard.Arun Prasathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12734893201638954566noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11492631.post-28998463613904636732008-11-21T03:41:00.000-08:002008-11-24T04:57:27.421-08:00Free FallingI hold on to nothing. And, I fall.<br /><br />It should have been some kind of a wild convulsion that should have catapulted me onto this not-so-cozy habitat. I should have sensed it, right on the day I was born - the massive black hole beneath us all, sucking and feeding on all things and souls like an eternally hungry merciless beast. One day, it would consume my soul too and feed on it, till I become inseparably entangled with the singularity, reduce to nothing, and become an indistinguishable part of the treacherous beast myself. And now, as I dizzily race through space, gaining momentum rapidly with every tiniest slice of time passing by, I dread the long wily claws stretching over light years of space like a cold infinite rubber arm clutching my feet and dragging me towards the hole that I am helplessly sliding into.<br /><br />I fail to understand when and how exactly it happened, but 'it' snapped. As the mind cleared one fine day and woke up from the long dream of a life, the string that I was holding on to for dear life, vanished right before my eyes and it was then that the fall began. And now, as I race towards the beast, I remember the beautiful sight of innumerable strings dancing all around in the infinity of space, like countless strands of Medusa's hair, sprouting in all directions away from the huge hole beneath. I remember that sight as a happy distant memory from a past that I now know is permanently lost. The strings had hosted fantastic whole new worlds in themselves that felt so very real, almost as real as the long dream of a life that I woke up from. Like most men who had convulsed into this space, I too had found some strings of my own to cling to, and to sheathe myself from the hungry animal beneath. I had lived many dreams on the surface of the strings and even at times, lost myself in all the many wonderful worlds in there, so much that I had almost forgotten the beast beneath. The soul was intact and securely bound on a slender string that decidedly looked away from the hungry hole as if it was hoping that, if it did not look below, the beast would not exist.<br /><br />And suddenly, I woke up, and the string vanished in a puff. I peered into the dark infinite emptiness, looking for a single thin white string and I failed to find any. There was only the darkness around, the beast below and my spaghettified feet stretching into a thin string of molecules dissolving seamlessly into the claws that ruthlessly dragged them. It was then that I realized that the strings were not in the space outside, but were really inside me - happy creations of my hopeful brain in a dream that I had been trapped in. We all found strings to hold on to, but only so because we created them as and when we needed, in wild journeys that we had in powerful dreams of ours. And then, as I fell, I tried hard to conjure a string magically out of space, but in vain, for I knew they were not real, and as long as that realization rested deep inside me, the strings only vanished even as they were being created, like flashes of lightning that you might fail to catch sight of, if you only blinked. It was a clever trick. You need to believe the strings were real, to be able to create them, but you knew they only existed in your mind.<br /><br />And now, it amazes me as to how very painfully often and how very hard, but only in vain, I have tried to close my eyes and fall into another of those dreams where I could cleverly create one of Medusa's slippery snakes out of thin air, and happily cling on to it. Alas, to my misfortune, there was no such dream. There was just the fall, the dreaded beast sucking ever more on my feet and the cold wind sickeningly blazing through my feverish skin as I gravitate dizzily into the darkness beneath. I hold on to nothing. And, I fall.Arun Prasathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12734893201638954566noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11492631.post-50983134451638434722008-09-21T06:49:00.000-07:002008-09-21T08:29:04.309-07:00MetamaniaThe third eye sometimes rips apart oneself, and with a life and mind of its own, it peers deep inside us and gags at the things it sees. The human mind is a poor fragile thing, prone to forces of irrationality and basic rules of a species driven to satisfy few simple instincts, and it is no wonder that the eye found it funny. The eye is merely a cynic, whose sense of humor is founded on elements of irrationality, which are only too abundant. The eye did not relate to basic human drives and was devoid of empathy towards the species as such. When it sensed behavior that was inexplicable and insensible in the 'cosmic' perspective, the eye smiled, like it were an all-knowing omniscient Godly being, looking down upon and pitying the fallacy of what the mediocre human was.<br /><br />I am a cynic, and at times one of a kind that I cannot tolerate myself, and I wish that some fortunate day, I'd manage to happily escape the sight of the eye into the dark world of my own private irrational self, just as it was ripping apart myself into the infinite distance to perform its Godly cynical feat. Sometimes, I sit in this group of human things, and my messed up brains watch my eye as it rips off myself and begins to gag at all of them, and at me. Succumbing to the shame of a watchful God's wrathful laughter, the eye at times, makes me feel as if all of humans were one confused adolescent blob of a childish thing, flawed and incapable of rational behavior. I strive hard, to sit before my associate human things and just be another irrational human thing, empathizing with all the pride over a supposed demonstration of wisdom, the merriment over mediocre elements of existence, unabashed statements on devotion of one's lifetime to materialistic goals, the silly hope for a meaning and all the joy of a living,.., and just be friends with my friends, a colleague with my colleagues, and kin with kin, to just be a simple man,.., and under the watchful eye, I try to stealthily sneak in simple unashamed conversations about my last cup of tea, the new movie in town, gossips on failed relationships, plans for career growth and sarcastic remarks on the silliness of few folks around, and just there, I terribly fail as the Lord's wrathful eye watched my words and deeds and burnt my soul with the sharp blade of a ruthless smile.<br /><br />I wished I weren't the cynic that I was. The brain was conscious of the eye's watchfulness and the eye was watchful of the brain's cautiousness, and in one endless loop of a meta-thought cycle, I was forever stuck in a limbo unable to empathize with myself and the souls around me, and I sit there disconnected from the simple group of nice little innocent human beings letting out their emotions and opinions and only trying to pass by another day of their meagre lives, and I sit there quietened and humbled and I felt like a lifeless body carrying this weird force of a life that I did not understand. My associates weren't any of the great Gods, and they all suffered from pride, the forces of love and hunger and the simple and unfounded fear of an uncertain future, and who was I to let my eye wander aimlessly at great heights with all the world's apathy and to let it weigh those around me on the inconsiderate scales of universal perfection, pass judgements on meek deeds and nonchalantly laugh at all the pitiable existence that is? Why was the brain stuck in an endlessly recursive meta-cycle of a painful process of self-revelation and the enlightenment of a meaningless existence? How I wished I weren't the cynic that I was? Someday, I hope I would learn to ignore the eye too, and hold on to the only life that I have and escape into the darkness of a simple unassumed irrational living, and to not regret feeling all the irrational forces that I felt, however menial and meek they might be, for the suffering and the joy were real, and when I suffered pain, I burnt in hell, and when I felt joy, I rejoiced in heaven, or whatever thing on earth, that could come to mean, and it does not matter that these elements of joy and pain were marked as 'irrational' on an unforgiving God's big book of cosmic behavior. I wish now that my third eye were blinded, or that my conscious mind comfortably turned its back towards the apathic eye, which are both the same thing really.Arun Prasathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12734893201638954566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11492631.post-71385220034656693042008-05-03T00:18:00.000-07:002008-05-03T00:33:21.789-07:00The Red PillThe frailty of the human mind is rarely as clearly apparent as it is when one manages to gain some visibility into the insane amount of delusional material that it can pull over right in front of one's eyes so much that all of one's living reality becomes entirely subject to this huge and complex network of a man-created system conjured over an immeasurable span of time. The system we have in place to supposedly facilitate increase of individual comfort by mutual exchange of services via an utterly complex web of human subsystems interacting in mysterious ways is easily much more than this superb survival tactic picked up by the most advanced species known to-date. It is much more than a matter of convenience. The massive corpus of knowledge from innumerable schools of thought and the mind boggling multitudes of their implementation in the system are all pervading and enormously over-powering, so much so that, the mind itself is severely imprisoned in the system, and all the lines of demarcation beyond and beneath the veil of a conjured reality dissolve and vanish into the distant depths of a brain burdened with the weight of the knowledge of a system that is not key for its survival. The system dictates one's purpose, very lines of thought, principles and ideals for life, and the manner of one's day-to-day existence, and what feels real is the veil itself. The distinction between what a convenience construct is and what is more fundamental has vanished in most minds, and this is where you come to see how frail the mind is. It does not sound too much of an oversimplification to reduce the brain to an infrastructure which loads strange visions onto itself via mysterious interactions between the memory of stimuli from the past and exposure to the present and immediate accessible neighborhood, and comes to believe them with the kind of blind faith that is the archenemy of 'reason' or what we would like to mean when we utter the word 'rationality' without too much of a thought. It is not even remotely surprising that all popular human conceptions of 'the sum of all currently inexplicable' (God?) are modeled as this superpower with distinctly human attributes (if not in form and shape, definitely in qualities and nature) and worse, imbibed with attributes of the all pervading system that is merely a construct. The mind is happily trapped forever in its proud and enormously complex creation.<br /><br />Taking the red pill is no joke, and what could possibly be the path to enlightenment does not really promise a happy journey to any. Had you envisioned the attainment of enlightenment as this deeply blissful feeling, you are most likely mistaken. Not only is the endeavour and the search for the truth beneath the system tedious, but also the emptiness and the lack of a purpose which results from the realization, leaves one in an endless state of numbness that is deeply painful, the kind of which only the pain of immortality could possibly match (also because when you are immortal, you inevitably look beyond the times and gradually beyond the system, and as a result eventually feel the same painful unceasing realization of the truth). When unplugged from the facade of the system, there is just this huge feeling of an enormous void, and you breathe a tiny pinch of the warped fabric into your lungs and let it pervade all of your inner self and soon you know you are no different from the void itself. All distinct sensations of the constructs fade away slowly, and when the feeling is in one of its ultimate heights, the experience is some kind of a no-feeling state that is independent of your location or the time of existence. This feeling sinks in for the first time and thereafter you forever fail to empathize with all the various happenings around you, directly correlated with the times of your life and dictated by all the various sub-systems in place at the very temporal and spatial location you happened to exist. You see all the folks doing all the various things everyday in search of meaning, joy or for just the plain matter of a living and you feel infinitely detached from the deeds and their drives, and at once, you see yourself placed at this enormous distance from all that you experience and once more there is the all-knowing sensation of the void filling your inner depths. If God was indeed characterised with human-like attributes, then this is probably how She would feel for a boundless span of time.<br /><br />It is for this reason that, once unplugged from the system, it is not really as easy to let oneself back into the stream of the omnipresent system happily again. It might be easier if one could hypothetically, say, when in such a state, manage to end up in a peacefully empty infinite sleep, never to have to wake up and let oneself back into a system that could not feel real or meaningful anymore. In most cases however, the resulting condition is that of a confusion experienced by these men stuck in a state of limbo struggling every now and then to plug oneself back into the system and to try and feel the same sensation of taste that was once so happily felt. To their misery however, there is indeed no spoon and the 'residual self-image' is not as satisfying an experience anymore. The choice between truth and a false sense of hope or meaning is indeed possibly the trickiest ever, and if an unassuming all-knowing saintly Morpheus indeed stands before you with two pills on his hands, you better think twice before opting for the truth. For there is the alarmingly dangerous and likely possibility of getting stuck in the limbo forever. There would be no Trainman who'd ever come to your rescue, and the only choice before you would be that between an infinite sleep or an unwilling tolerance of a tasteless overpowering all-pervading false sense of a numbing reality.Arun Prasathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12734893201638954566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11492631.post-51982379111759425772008-03-24T02:47:00.000-07:002008-03-24T02:49:02.422-07:00Pongal Veg Cafe<b><span style="font-size: 16pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b><i></i><i>Drops of water he had sprinkled on the leaf that lay before him on the table ran everywhere around and nearly spilled over his wrinkled trousers. The small boy, who had no name and whose only worldly possession at this point in time seemed to be the very dirty and all so brownish half-trouser with patches on the buttocks, brought a small vessel with three containers in it. He hastily served some greens, a cabbage dish and some pickle onto the upper half of the leaf. Soon after, another nameless man walked over to the table, impatiently dropped a vessel full of steamed rice on the leaf and went off just as hastily as he had come. The meal was ready, and it was time to feed the beast that rumbled noisily from deep within his rather not too very strong physique.</i><i><o:p><br /><br /></o:p></i><i><span style=""></span>The Pongal Veg Café was where one went when the beast rumbled, and it was where nameless men came together and assembled onto edges of congested tables with banana leaves in front of them, onto which inexpensive meals were hurriedly served by unknown men. It was where one occasionally heard few men speaking to fellow men, even as they gulped their food. These men had, over time acquired the practice of leaking out a not so hearty laugh intermittently during their endless conversations that mostly centered on details of their everyday work. It was where one also saw loners quietly finishing off their meal in an almost ceremonious fashion, and leaving the place the same silent way they had entered it. The loners did not seem to have much to say, and from a simple glance onto their nameless faces, one could never really discern if these men were after all mourning over something they had lost over the course of ruthless time. In fact, the primary aspect that differentiated the Pongal Veg Café from the rest of smallish restaurants in the city was that, lonely men could go there and silently get done with their job without too much of a sense of discomfort in themselves, owing to their wretched loneliness, which at this point of time simply seemed to be owing to the absence of mammal companions who could accompany when it was time for food. A group of unknown loners, when together on the same table, scavenging on food, weren’t really as alone, in principle, and this really was the prime reason the place did good business. When one was at the Veg Café, one discovered that the city had a lot of such loners, and in that sense, one wasn’t alone when it came to being alone.<o:p></o:p></i> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><i><o:p> </o:p></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><i><o:p> </o:p></i></p>Arun Prasathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12734893201638954566noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11492631.post-80387661464011215242008-03-24T02:45:00.000-07:002008-03-24T02:46:27.120-07:00Prologue: The Unwritten Autobiography<span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman";">I would like to fantasize the idea of someone writing the tale of my life. Fantasizing is a simple act, but also immensely powerful. One dull and effortless spark from an unassuming corner of the brain can provide an enormous feast for the idle, but unceasingly hungry mind that goes on relentlessly pampering the greedy self with huge visions of success and fame. Yes, as the watchful amongst you would have noticed, that would be four of the seven deadly sins already – sloth, pride, greed and lust, and if you were not obese enough and belonged to the excessively food loving folk, then that could be five in your case, not a bad score for accomplished sinners like us, all with a simple unassuming effortless act. Indeed, it is a powerful act, and one that is the resultant of a weakly founded psychological system subject to intense feeds of temptation, the kind, to which, I have submitted myself to, countless times now. You get so used to sinning soon, and do not give it too much of a damn anymore, and go on fantasizing. So, let me push back all my doubts around the correctness of the formulation of the seven deadly sins and the kind of pain that burning in hell could supposedly cause to unclean souls, such as mine, when eventually, it is ripped off the body. Let me push them back, to the remotest and most inaccessible regions of my brain and for a brief while bask in my fantasy. Let me attempt to imagine myself to be this fictitious and thoroughly skilled writer whose life happened to interfere with mine, and let us say, I, also happened to find my life fascinating enough for me, being the writer, to sit down and expend, say, a few hundred hours of my time, to write a book around.</span>Arun Prasathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12734893201638954566noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11492631.post-91435113720730658862008-03-24T02:42:00.000-07:002008-03-24T02:44:31.413-07:00Living DadThere he was, lying on a mattress on the floor, and getting some rest. I sat on my bed and finally started on what I had so much wanted to write down for sometime now. I saw him lying there, and I could feel something within me feeling glad and warm and peaceful. It was not the kind of happiness that you had when you were joyous or excited, not the happy moment, when you did not really feel the need to pause and think of some sorrow that deeply troubled you. It was not when you were just happy and you relished in plain simple joy. No, this was not that. If you had been me, and had you known of the enormous pain that the thing that lay there had been through, the long and the winding tedious journey that its weary feet had walked, the hands of cruel reckless fate that had taunted the once hungry and lonely child, and now when you see it, lying there, with closed eyes, and taking its deep breath filling its weakened lungs with oxygen and you know that it is resting, receding a long way from the cursed wakefulness of the world, and then you feel some beast like relief wildly creep into you, and you want to have more and more of it. This was just that. Was it happiness? I do not know. It was relief alright, but there was something greedy and restless about the whole emotion. Whatever this feeling really was, I was nevertheless too glad he was resting there now. <i style="">“Sleep, Dad! Sleep well! I need you to sleep well! You have come a long way. You should rest now. Let the air breeze into you and let it soothe the wounds within and heal them all, if it can”</i>.<o:p><br /><br /></o:p>I have loved my dad always. But, there were also things about him that I have not liked, like his pragmatism, which I have felt, was excessive. To me, as a character, he was just like any normal man that you saw around you, and I had never bothered to really know the thing that was he. Well, recently I came to know about the life story of my dad, and that did change a lot of my understanding, about him. Knowing what I then did, he almost suddenly rose to the stature of a hero in my eyes. And, when I sat here to write this thing today, my empty and numb insides are filled with an enormous sense of respect for the thing that lay there - the man, my father, whose achievement in life far exceeds mine or of most other men I have known of and read about. You watched the movies and read the books and you imagined stuff and you thought you had seen it all. But, silly how, you very often fail to just pause briefly and take a look at what huge hidden truths lie in what had so obviously been near you always! How little had I known of what he had been through? And how I have been entirely unaffected by his treacherous past? I cannot help but think now that, had he ceased to fight for his survival for one single moment and surrendered his life to the enormous ruthless hands of fate that seemed to have derived so much sadistic pleasure tormenting him, I would not have been here, grown to be the angry adolescent young romanticist cynic that I today am, basking in my unceasing rationalizing spree and a reasonably glorious history of academic success.<o:p></o:p><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /><br />On happy sunny mornings, the fruit smiled its happy ripen optimistic face onto a warm little earth. The fruit was rare, and its flesh nutritious and rich in taste. It had rejoiced in its glory for a long time now, and it was proudly facing the sun, with an all-knowing expression. And, little did it know of the hungry farmer who, having no tools of his own, had tilled the rocky earth for a full decade with his bare hands that were bloody and worn out now. After years of painful toil, he had finally bore one full smile on his face as he had planted the sapling that now bore the rare fruit, and now, he lay there in his lonely hut hiding away from the sun that had long burnt his skin, receding into the darkness of a wild restful sleep.</span><p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal">And what I have really wanted to do for a while now, is to narrate, in plain simple words the tale of my father’s life.</p>Arun Prasathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12734893201638954566noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11492631.post-11583173519248969292008-03-24T02:38:00.000-07:002008-03-24T02:39:23.723-07:00EGO<p class="MsoNormal">Two young boys looked straight into the distance, as their knees bent forward, arms crouched at the feet, and the rest of the torso set itself into such a posture as it was so ready to pounce into the air any moment then, with all the mighty force that stayed hidden in the muscles that stayed wrapped within. The hot blood pumped vigorously with every breath of the lungs and every beat of the heart. Where in the distance their thirsty eyes restlessly looked, a hundred meters further from where they now crouched like hungry beasts, was a thin white line. The boys were furious, and their hearts raged with the desire to reach the line, as if there lay the key to the greatest thing that was ever sought by men who walked the earth. As a hundred pairs of eyes blinked wide into the day, with an excitement and thrill, the kind of which can only be caused by the definite uncertainty of an inevitable future, the gun shot up the unseen bullet that vanished into the dusty robe of humid air that wrapped the ground below, and it was as if the boys were what were really shot out into space, with immense energy and the deafening blast of a noise. Their feet now raced, step after step, leap after leap, and miles of a blurred irrelevant mass seemed to flow past them with an enormous turbulence. The nerves discharged heavily, the feet sucked up all the energy of the body and spat it out as they ran towards the great line of purpose and victory. In a span of time that felt too short for the watching eyes, and too long for the racing feet, the victor passed the line in a sweep when a roaring noise of applause emanated from people screaming their calories out of their throats vehemently. The victor stood there, past the line, his lungs still trying desperately to swallow as greedy a chunk of oxygen as the pores on the face permitted to let in. And, as he stood there, he wore a huge smile on his face and an enormous and warm ‘something’ filled his heart. The applause seeped through his ears and merrier he became.<o:p></o:p><br /></p><p style="font-style: italic;" class="MsoNormal"><br /></p> <p style="font-style: italic;" class="MsoNormal">The ego was a funny thing. There was the white line, and there was the race, and there was the enormously fulfilling sense of victory. There were the folks who were all part of the huge wheel in eternal motion. There were folks that strived to make a difference to the world, which was only a lesser goal, for what they really sought was the satiation of the self or the ego, as you would choose to call it. There were varieties of races, those of the feet, those of the skilled arms, those of hearts, of valor and courage, and those of the intellect. And, varied restless folks sought after the white lines in their own myriad manners, with the hope of stumbling upon the next stroke of victory, to feel that ‘something’ fill the hearts, to prove to themselves that they could race across in a world of hungry folks, and all the white line was but one infinitesimal dimensionless point of an object in the enormity and infinite vastness of the emptiness that is. The ego was a funny thing.<o:p></o:p></p><p style="font-style: italic;" class="MsoNormal"><br /><o:p></o:p></p><p style="font-style: italic;" class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>Here I dwelt, amidst folks who ran the race of the intellect. Here, the brains sparked with burning ambition, and here dwelt the folks who hoped everyday of their lives, to demonstrate their valor, integrity, and sense of ‘good’, through deeds that were of perceived intellectual value to a select few. Among the intelligentsia, I dwelt. I laughed often, for, I had feet that were funnier than the ego of the intelligentsia, for, the feet paced fast, though my eyes that were placed at an enormous distance away into space, lacked a sense of what and where the white line was. However, with no huge sense of shame, but a little apologetically though, I admit my own sense of an ego, and the times when I have felt the hot pumping blood, the weary feet at times of hard work, the sweet sound of applause and the warm ‘something’ fill the heart. The ego was funny, but what the heck?? It was a stunningly successful sustenance technique, and no wonder, was naturally imbibed into organisms with brains like ours, capable of conjuring complex, random and abstract emotional states. And what was more important to life, than sustenance itself was? </p>Arun Prasathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12734893201638954566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11492631.post-72322390438216808172008-03-24T02:20:00.000-07:002008-03-24T02:26:36.189-07:00Binny<span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></span></span>The Sea had taken her son away:<span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></span><br /><br />Aunt:</span> <span style="font-style: italic;">Oh God! Binny had gone to the Church regularly. He has not intended evil to anyone. He fasted in deep faith and respect to you, for forty days now. And, is this what you give to him?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">God:</span> <span style="font-style: italic;"><stays> …</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Aunt:</span> <span style="font-style: italic;">There is no God. You are not real. You let babies die. You do not mean anything. There is no reason we should look up to you and pray. (Cries aloud)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">God:</span> <span style="font-style: italic;">…</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Uncle:</span> <span style="font-style: italic;">Listen to me! This is how things are. And, that is reality. Nothing is permanent. You got that? Now, stay calm.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"><br />God was sitting a trillion miles away in the dark, winding the cogs of the Great Clock of the universe, and the infinite hands of the Great Clock ticked slowly and painfully. Her hands that were holding onto the great rusted lever were aching and the blood that had seeped out of Her tender skin through the billion years had dried up long back. But, the ticking should not stop, and so She sat there through all the years and worked faithfully on the great lever. She was meticulously working towards something, something that She has now wanted for billions of years, a purpose that was not conceivable by any amounts of ingenious leaps of the human imagination. It was a grand scheme of things, and the earth that was just a stone in an arbitrary spot in a practically infinite universe, did not have much of a place in it. On the scale of Her activity, what we on earth did were menial and to a large extent arbitrary. All the events that ever occurred on the stone were soon to fade away into another random fluctuation, which will not find even an insignificant place in the scheme of things that She worked towards. We were not part of God’s purpose. And, that we had notions of ‘good’ and ‘evil’, ‘meaning’ and ‘direction’, ‘achievement’ and ‘loss’ did not amount much to Her. For She had her own purpose to work towards, and She kept winding her Great Clock, for She had a place to go. She did not have a death and so she suffered the greatest pain that is there to existence – immortality. And, we never know, if She would get there ever.</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /><br />But, She was Graceful and Kind. She did take a little care to leave her mighty slaves, mysterious forces of evolution to take care of things here. And, so we are all here today. And, so am I here. Through her slaves, she gave us instincts, hunger, joy, pain. She gave us an intellect. And, above everything, she gave us the force and the power of love. For it was the best cure for pain. God was lonely, and she took care we were not. She made sure a mother’s love was the most immense, because she knew everybody had a mother. Love was naturally and gradually built through evolution, and we all had people to care for, and people who care for us - parents, relatives and friends. And we are not alone. Though we lived a life that traced an arbitrary course that was of no relevance to God’s purpose, thanks to Her Grace, we do live a life that is characterized by love, joy and pain. It is not permanent and so it is indeed something to cherish. When we suffer, She is not around, for She has her own work to do, to get to the place She wants to go, and She probably did not know how we suffered. But, the love She had once left behind, and that which has grown over the course of evolution is still with us, and that is what will keep us going. And, She knew that would take care of us all. Oh God! You are the greatest mother of all!</span>Arun Prasathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12734893201638954566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11492631.post-22552620865572031752008-03-24T02:07:00.000-07:002008-03-24T02:32:28.575-07:00FarewellA poem one of my colleagues sang for my farewell. Was deeply moving, the way he said it. Will always remember this moment.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Yeh kaisi aatish, naa dhooan naa lapt koi !</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">phir bhi yeh aashiyaan jhulsta jaa raha hai !</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">socha naa thaa ki bichhdeyenge hum aissey,</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">magar ab dil yeh hakeekat samjhtaa jaa raha hai ...</span><br /><br />For the Urdu-illiterate like me, here is a very inaccurate attempt to capture it in English:<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">What kind of fire is it ! There is neither smoke nor flame,</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">But still our home is burning away !</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Never thought we will depart away so soon,</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">But now the heart is sinking-in the reality ...</span>Arun Prasathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12734893201638954566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11492631.post-76882944997860969432008-03-24T01:59:00.000-07:002008-03-24T02:06:10.236-07:00Holy CowA dedication to the product I slogged on, for 3 years of my life:<br /><span style="font-size:78%;"><br /></span><span style="font-style: italic;">Here we art,</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">The good little milkmen,</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Not too many of us,</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Barely five to ten.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-style: italic;">This is our little stable,</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">And Thee! Our Holy cow!</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Strong and much able,</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Thanks to hay from the mow.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">We milketh Thee all day,</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">We milketh Thee all night,</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Through the Sun and</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Through the stars,</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">And we worship Thee.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Our Holy Cow!! </span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Glorified art Thou.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Sophisticated Thy Work.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Unto Thee we bow,</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">And Thee we milk.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Thy Stable ain’t so cosy;</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Thy Milk though, so costly!</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">The customers so many</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">And we milkmen so few!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Thou hast precious milk</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">That fills monstrous bowls,</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">So many of them,</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Count till infinity.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">We haveth a strategy for success –</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">To Milketh Thee for eternity.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Thou art a tough one.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">And, we giveth our souls</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">To milk Thy well,</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">And fill our bowls.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">We eat Thy crap.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">And lose our sleep</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">To milk Thy well,</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Few dollars, to reap!</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Thou art a Holy Cow,</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Holy Shit, Thou hast.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><br />We cleaneth it all day,</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">We cleaneth it all night.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Holy cow, Thou art.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Holy crap, Thou hast.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Thou ain’t a Bull,</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Though Thou haveth Bull shit.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Thou art insane</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">And Thou goes out of Thy memory</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Glorified art Thou.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Sophisticated Thy Work.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Unto Thee we bow,</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Oh! Dear Holy Cow!!</span>Arun Prasathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12734893201638954566noreply@blogger.com0